All Signs point to “RUN”

I cant help but wonder and try to put the pieces of puzzle together. I havent told him yet, but did complete a back round check on him when my therapist said she had not gotten paid. For the sake of some stuff being private I cant say what i found but will allow you to see the questions that have risen in my head

He rarely calls me and usually speaks to me through texts

Maybe his wife or girlfriend are around. Or he just doesn’t care enough

I rarely get a text during the day or a call during the day

He probably waits for her to fall asleep

He doesn’t have a place he calls “Home” and flies from state to state

He doesnt want me to know where he lives

He doesnt want to fuck me in the Pussy and prefers my Ass

He’s afraid of getting me pregnant

because he’s with someone or because he’s afraid I will take half of everything or file child support

Claims to have money but doesnt pay me 0r my therapist back

Cant pay with Credit card because

wife may get statements or because he’s secretly broke

Has never introduced me to any female friends

Because they all know his girl

Doesnt friend me on Facebook

Cause then our pictures could be tagged together

Cant have a serious conversation over the phone

Cant handle lying over phone and is easier thru text or doesnt know how to handle his emotions

Says hes going to take care of his Mother in Seattle but sounds wasted most nights and stays up til 4am

What 60 year old stays up until 4am? And what son literally wants to watch tv shows with his mom instead of having phone sex?k

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Hasnt done anything “romantic” for me or even given me a real planned out date with just him and I

Doesnt want me to get the wrong message?

Only talks dirty to me when im away but doesnt even touch me when together

I have no clue to this one unless he’s secretly GAY?

Hides text messages from me when i ask to look

Doesnt want me to know how he really feels about me or let me in to his life and things he is hidding

The list can go on and on…. I hate thinking that this guy is totally hustling me. I dont want to believe it because up until he borrowed a couple grand from me, he didnt ask me for anything? Not sex, not companionship, not money, not drugs, NOTHING? He only asked me to quit smoking Meth and to look hot and be ready when he needed. Was he keeping me around as a trophy on his arm? Something nice to look at that all the guys around him wanted but he had? Girls like me are a dime a dozen and it just wasnt/isnt adding up…. I wished if he was in a relationship that he would tell me so at least I could  be more understanding when he didnt call or wasnt able to do what he said he would. But maybe he too was a coward? Maybe he just really really really sucks at being involved with someone and needs to learn what it means to be in a relationship? Maybe I was just over analyzing and needed to stop caring and have fun with it…?

I just had to play along….

Lots has happened since my twelve days of being “kidnapped”.

Ive made some good choices and some bad choices……

GOOD CHOICES-

1. Went to Grandmothers birthday and spent time with family

2. Went back to work and made money to pay bills and catch up from Aria

3. Quit smoking Meth and kept my promise to Kasey that I would not purchase another sac.

4. Was honest with Kasey about my decision to allow Thomas to manipulate me.

BAD CHOICES-

1. Allowed Kasey to continue being in my life, even though I was not getting what I needed from him

2. Allowed his friend Thomas to manipulate me into having sex.

3. Wasnt going to the gym regularly

Kasey was only calling sporadically and I was surprised when he was there for me after telling him I had fucked his friend.

Side Note- I was molested from ages 5 to 8 and since then have NEVER felt molested or manipulated by men because I always took charge and took the situation into my hands, until Thomas. He wasnt forceful or mean. He knew exactly what to say and his continuous pressure and banter wore on me. He also continued to feed me information about Kasey like he was a “bad person” and a “manipulator”, and asked me several times to stop talking about him. I was in a vulnerable state to begin with since i was out of drugs and prepared to come down as promised. He didn’t make me do it and in the end it was my decision, but after I asked him to leave my room & he left i jumped into the shower and cried. I held myself as the water poured down me, feeling molested and disrespected, I realized I was very unhealthy and ready to get back to myself.

Kasey called and I had to be honest about what happened. I was surprised Kasey flew me out to LA to allow me to detox and wind down from my toxic self

I felt embarrassed that Kasey had to see me this way; sweaty, stinky, tired, moody and broken out from the drug seeping thru my pours. I must have looked like something the cat dragged in but he took me in and was there for me.

I was proud of myself to show him it could be done, hoping he would see that with a little brain power anything is possible.

After two days he flew me back to Las Vegas and made sure to leave a text message telling me he was proud. I wanted more from him. I was so confused at what we were, or what we had?. Yes, I had done something stupid and wrong and immature and every other bad thing you want to call it by allowing myself to think i could be friends with a man who’s number one goal was to sleep with me. I tried to do something nice and was taken advantage of, worst of all it was his friend.  On the other hand, I hadnt stopped him from sleeping with anyone and never asked him what he was doing all the nights he did not call or reply to my texts. When I broke down what had happened, leaving him at Aria and us never establishing or talking about what would happen next I assumed he wanted to just have fun cause he didnt make much of an effort and my co dependent self wanted to find out why. My healthier self was telling me to let go.