Lots has happened since my twelve days of being “kidnapped”.
Ive made some good choices and some bad choices……
GOOD CHOICES-
1. Went to Grandmothers birthday and spent time with family
2. Went back to work and made money to pay bills and catch up from Aria
3. Quit smoking Meth and kept my promise to Kasey that I would not purchase another sac.
4. Was honest with Kasey about my decision to allow Thomas to manipulate me.
BAD CHOICES-
1. Allowed Kasey to continue being in my life, even though I was not getting what I needed from him
2. Allowed his friend Thomas to manipulate me into having sex.
3. Wasnt going to the gym regularly
Kasey was only calling sporadically and I was surprised when he was there for me after telling him I had fucked his friend.
Side Note- I was molested from ages 5 to 8 and since then have NEVER felt molested or manipulated by men because I always took charge and took the situation into my hands, until Thomas. He wasnt forceful or mean. He knew exactly what to say and his continuous pressure and banter wore on me. He also continued to feed me information about Kasey like he was a “bad person” and a “manipulator”, and asked me several times to stop talking about him. I was in a vulnerable state to begin with since i was out of drugs and prepared to come down as promised. He didn’t make me do it and in the end it was my decision, but after I asked him to leave my room & he left i jumped into the shower and cried. I held myself as the water poured down me, feeling molested and disrespected, I realized I was very unhealthy and ready to get back to myself.
Kasey called and I had to be honest about what happened. I was surprised Kasey flew me out to LA to allow me to detox and wind down from my toxic self
I felt embarrassed that Kasey had to see me this way; sweaty, stinky, tired, moody and broken out from the drug seeping thru my pours. I must have looked like something the cat dragged in but he took me in and was there for me.
I was proud of myself to show him it could be done, hoping he would see that with a little brain power anything is possible.
After two days he flew me back to Las Vegas and made sure to leave a text message telling me he was proud. I wanted more from him. I was so confused at what we were, or what we had?. Yes, I had done something stupid and wrong and immature and every other bad thing you want to call it by allowing myself to think i could be friends with a man who’s number one goal was to sleep with me. I tried to do something nice and was taken advantage of, worst of all it was his friend. On the other hand, I hadnt stopped him from sleeping with anyone and never asked him what he was doing all the nights he did not call or reply to my texts. When I broke down what had happened, leaving him at Aria and us never establishing or talking about what would happen next I assumed he wanted to just have fun cause he didnt make much of an effort and my co dependent self wanted to find out why. My healthier self was telling me to let go.
Sex, Drugs and Tommy Bahama 