Did I make the right Decision

THIS POST IS THE ENDING TO

https://kaseynation.wordpress.com/2010/09/02/finally-leaving-the-dream

That’s all I could think about as I drove down the 15 freeway going 94 MPH and having no intention to slow down. I was confident in my decision while i was leaving but it was the fresh air and choice of songs that had me rethinking my decision to leave Kasey at Aria.

If I had met Kasey one year prior and I was single things would have been different. I was a lost, co dependent person. I have always been financially independent but Co dependent on men for internal happiness. If I wasnt taking care of a man I felt like half a woman. I know the weak Chanel would have stayed and taken all the bull crap, sacrificing my own needs for his and waiting for him to respect me. I know this because, until a year ago I had  been doing this routine with my husband. Since meeting my husband I have been completely infatuated with him. I have no problem with men approaching me but I seem to look for a very distinctive quality, and will “Latch” on if I sense it. I “Latched” to my husband and didn’t let go. I did everything for him, and nothing for myself. I paid for everything; rent , bills, cars, cameras, vacations… you name it. Sometimes I worked two jobs to make sure we were comfortable.

Side Note- I haven’t always been a stripper and only went back to stripping after being laid off from Toyota and after my husband asked me to, so we could put a nice down payment on a condo.

Ill learned from my stepfather that you did what it took to make sure your family was comfortable and sacrificing my needs for others was in blood. Sometimes i worked 75 hours a week to provide a lifestyle that was comfortable for the both of us. He never had to worry about not having money because he knew i would take care of it. I had no friends, and never went out. Most days I enjoyed cleaning, cooking, and making sure i was cleaned up in time to put on a sexy outfit for him to enjoy. On my days off i worked out for hours making sure my body was in tip-top shape, hoping that would keep him around. I got him to marry me to say the least but he never stuck around. He was constantly lying to me and cheating (or at least he says trying to). Funny thing was… I was happy. I mean not deep deep down inside, but when i wasnt trying to think that far down, I was happy. I was addicted to being hurt and being walked on and was just happy having someone in my life.

What does this have to do with Kasey?

As I walked into my first therapy session with my SA, NA and LA counselor I remember the last question she asked me as I poured down tears of helplessness.

“What Chanel, Do you want to accomplish by meeting with me and hopefully achieve in your life?”

I thought long and hard and answered

“I want to no longer be addicted to pain, and I want to be strong enough to leave the people who hurt me and all unhealthy relationships in my life, including my husband if he doesnt get help”

Since that day, I have read book after book and done exercise after excercise strengthening my awareness of self and giving me the necessary tools i need to get healthy.

Watching Kasey “black out” at poker tables and drink himself into a coma every night, was screaming UNHEALTHY to my “improved self” . But I am and will always be a caretaker at heart, and my co dependent self was wondering if i should turn my car around and help Kasey through his addiction. He had encouraged the end of mine and I made a promise i knew i could keep. He even allowed me to be “my addict” and other than puppy eyes, didnt leave me. I remember the nights I sobered up and just wanted someone to be by my side. But I was getting healthy and I no longer wanted to be attracted to men who were addicts or in need of someone to take care of them. I wanted to be taken care of. It was my turn and I for the first time in my life I felt the most deserving of it.

I quickly called my counselor and started hyperventilating and cried while explaining to her my predicament

“Dr Tracy, you dont understand, he needs someone there, I feel like i should have stayed and been there for him. Every addict wants someone who understands and is there for them, I feel like i should turn around….”

“Chanel, has he called you?”

“No he doesnt even realized I left, Hes completely in his addict and blacked out, but i know when he walks up to the room he will be surprised i left”

“Chanel, you need to take care of yourself, but I also understand…..

At that moment I looked in my mirror to find Flashing Red and blue lights. Yes, I was getting pulled over and knew that Barstow cops were not going to let me get away with talking on my cell phone while speeding past Lenwood at 93 mph. I couldn’t find my Id to make matters worse and needed to call Kasey to see if I had left it. You wont believe it but its true when i tell you that Kasey answered his phone asking me why i needed my ID and hadn’t yet walked away from the poker table. He was trying to get me to tell the cop his attorneys name and at that moment i disconnected the line realizing i was getting nowhere with him. After given the ticket I called back my counselor to explain to her

“Tracy, Im not sure what it is….. Im healthier than i have ever been but with all the unhealthy he brings, it only compliments my unhealthy” “He’s not addicted to drugs or sex and doesn’t like being alone, I have a problem spending money on myself and he does that perfectly fine, hes smart and witty, extremely fun and attractive. His smile lights up a room and when he does this little dance where he raises his arms and moves his head side to side, i melt. I like that i can talk to him about all my problems and he doesn’t seem to judge, and he actually teaches me things and doesn’t need me to support him. He hasn’t put me down or said anything but positive stuff about me to others and I like that someone wanted me around as much as I wanted to be around. I never felt like i was suffocating him or invading his space… You know its nice when two people dont like being alone because its like a constant companionship instead one person feeling like they are too “needy”.”

“Well, Chanel, I do think your problems compliment each other, but his addictions seem to be overtaking him more than yours. You are very strong-willed and stubborn which helps you keep yourself in check” “Maybe you should call him ”

No seconds later was Kasey on the other line….

“Where are you!!!!???”

“What do you mean Kasey? Im on the 15 freeway headed home.”

“WHAT!!!! YOU LEFT ME?” “ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU LEFT ME!!!!”

“Kasey I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do, you wouldn’t leave the table and I asked several times….”

“I CANT BELIEVE YOU FUCKING LEFT ME…You actually left me, you left me alone, you dont care”

“KASEY I CARE!!!”

“NO YOU DONT!! you don’t fucking care, YOU LEFT ME, YOU FUCKING LEFT ME…..”

“KASEY I’m sorry I…..”

“You dont care!, when did you leave? why did you leave?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, deep down I kinda felt like i knew this would happen but i didn’t want to believe he was this bad in his addiction to not even remember the poker manager handing him his own keys to his room. I tried to explain to him but he wouldn’t have it.. The pain in his voice crushed me, I knew that pain, I had been there before many times, just wanting someone there when i was ready, someone to hold me or just someone there to let me know things would be okay. But he was right, I had left him, and I was now regretting it.

“I CANT BELIEVE YOU LEFT ME”… and with that he hung up the phone.

There was nothing i could do about it. I tried to call back but he didn’t answer. I was already an hour away from home and turning back would only mean i wasnt as healthy as I thought. I tried to remember what i was paying my therapist for and repeated the words as I cried my eyes out… “I am WORTHY of Good in my life, I do not have to be responsible for other’s happiness” but i couldn’t control it any longer when Eminems, I love the way you lie, song started playing on the radio, I totally lost it and had to pull over to the side of the road. I sat there in my car bawling. I hadn’t allowed myself to cry since my husband and i separated and here i was crying for my second time in less than 24 hours. Usually I would smoked a bowl to take the pain away but I was in public and there i was on the side of the road, hyperventilating… crying for a man i had met 13 days ago, crying for the decision i had made to leave him and the confusion of our companionship, crying for a broken marriage, crying for my past hurts, crying about the speeding ticket i just got, my bills that needed to be paid and crying for the fear of my future. Everything hit me at once…. Like a ton of bricks, i suddenly stopped, motionless and silent….

an hour later I was home.

Golden Monkeys and Peoples’ Monies

What is up with this dude? Why is it that after having a good night with drinks and friends, does he still feel the need to have more drinks until he almost cant speak and is walking (if thats what you want to call it) like a newborn. I feel so bad for him. maybe he did quit gambling and took up drinking? He’s really going to hate life tomorrow when he wakes up. I wonder if he will remember telling the host upstairs at the Gold Lounge that he wanted a cabana poolside for us and some friends. I dont know what the host saw as Kasey told him his name (Later found out Kasey ‘s last poker stats recorded by the Hotels was 7k per hand) but by the responsiveness of kasey’s request and then an offer to comp his room and other charges… I was now certain I needed to find out what I had gotten myself into???

Money play$ on the 4th

Who called who first? I don’t remember..

I wish i did. I only remember coming back from work very depressed and sitting in front of my computer, staring, at what? I have no clue… But i was stuck. I wanted to get up so bad and go to that party that everyone was asking me if Id be there. I felt wanted for the first time in a long time.I didn’t care if they were only asking because i was one of the biggest tippers in the club. I just didn’t want to do what i always did, Nothing. I get all dressed up to go out and show off and i end up sitting in front of my computer just starring into space.

What’s important is that we talked (or texted) and Kasey wanted to see me again. Im not sure why I wanted to skip work to see him again since he was so different and we had nothing in common from what i could tell besides being addicts and an “uncanny” way of attracting people to ourselves.  I got dressed and was a little disappointed with myself as i counted some money to put into my wallet for the night. I had been in Vegas for almost a week and barely had enough money to pay my rent when i got home. I didnt care and as i pulled up to ARIA valet I stepped into a realm of fantasy and Fun. I went up to his room where I stepped into my DESTINY, each step counting and each step for a purpose ending in Darkness. As i waited for him to finish I peered down at the pools glistening in the darkness and could only imagine how beautiful it would be at sunrise and sunset . I looked over at the massive bed and instantly knew I wanted to wake up where he was, in his room, and just Run Away….

He told me i looked hot and we began a night by jumping into the car of some of the coolest fricking people i have ever met. Seriously, I never knew I could like a couple as much as I liked these two.

Jennifer- The girl who played Jan in the Brady Bunch Movie

and her fantastic husband

Lee- Producer of reality shows

Together they equaled one BIG FUCKING BALL OF AWESOMENESS and felt at home, even though i was 300 miles away. Why were they so awesome. Besides being very open about how imperfect they were and how much they didnt give a rats ass if they were “defective” they made me feel at home with all my flaws, hidden and open.

We ended up at some mansion party in the hills of Henderson. It was gated and I had never been to a community where the gate must take a picture of the vehicles license plate before entering. The houses didn’t seem any more special than the new houses they have built-in Corona CA. You know that “Cookie Cutter”, high vaulted ceiling look, with the waterfall connected to the stone pool. Yeah, Thats what this place was with two exceptions….

1) It had the most spectacular view of the strip that gave it a feel the strip was made for the house instead of the opposite.

2) “Famous” people actually were standing in the backyard of this place doing what Famous people do… talk about themselves and all their accomplishments…

Okay that was kinda rude and to be fair some of them were talking about their fans and the populations reaction in general to them as public figures or people in the spot light. Some of them were talking to Kasey about their next well thought up plan to “Take over the world” and Kasey being the entrepeneur he was, was inclined and excited to discuss his ideas and thoughts. I was bored quickly and Jennifer was too. We looked at each other and if it wasnt for Kasey pulling me aside to once again meet Chris (who i had met the night before at XS) I probably would have ended up in the pool with the others who looked to be having fun. But Im glad I was introduced again because this time i tried really hard to find out “who” everyone was and “what” they were about. The first night i was disappointed i didn’t pay better attention since i figured i would not be back again but this time started taking mental notes for future events.

Chris is just the biggest sweetheart in the world… Kasey was telling him the story of how i didnt want to offend him by calling him “Jesus” the first night I had met him and they got a good laugh out of it for a couple of min. Come to find out, Chris, who is worth bundles and bundles, ” more than $4,000,000 playing poker in the WSOP and WSOP circuit alone.” has spent it by building schools and churches in Africa and other places less fortunate. Kasey was explaining to me that Chris does this all “under cover” and receives no press for his charity work!! Now that is a human being with a heart. I would have never of guessed but also was told of his passion for west coast swing, something i could talk about because my uncle is a professional west coast swing instructor in the Dallas Texas area and I enjoyed finally having something in common with these people.

It got late and Jennifer and I were bored enough to start showing it in our postures and faces. The guys got the hint finally and we left in time to stop by this dive bar that Kasey asked Lee to drive to in excitement. I hadn’t seen Kasey seem so relaxed yet as he talked about the tacos in the bar and explained to me that i may not like the place because it lacks in fancy decor and quality wines…

Who did this guy think I was? and better yet who did this guy think he was? I worked as a bartender for an all Beer bar in Long Beach and cleaned schools as a janitor for 3 years. Did i really come off as a girl who needed fancy things and high-class status…. We showed up and as Kasey order a pear cider, i was a little taken back by his ”                                                                                                                                                                                          ” choice of beverage but was all too intrigued considering i was the only one in Long Beach who I ever saw order Cider and I loved to make Black Velvets by pouring guiness on top of the cider. It was a great drink that did the job.

I was soon to find out Kasey was not joking when he was discussing with me about his gambling addiction and rehab visit (where he actually met Jennifer, who was in  because of a doctors misdiagnosis). Kasey said the rehab was useful and healed him of his addiction but as soon as i had time to sit, he was already up and at the shuffle board table making bets with the gentlemen who were there before us. I cant help but wonder if Kasey is always making “bets” as a way of gambling with out the owning up of his addiction. I mean i remember my counselor talking to me about Tim (my ex) going into the same rehab for sex addiction and when i had asked her about going i remember her advising me that she would rather i go some place different? I couldn’t help but wonder the difference and decided to call her that moment.

boy was i dumb for waking her up not realizing that it was already 4am. Lee drove us back to the ARIA to race with destiny for “POUND TOWN” with his wife and as Jennifer encouraged the thought by squealing “POUND TOWN< POUND TOWN” in the back seat, they were off leaving me to once again help Kasey find his room.

This time it was not funny as he tried to pee in the middle of the hallway like an adolescent that couldn’t hold it in a long car ride.

“KASEY, WTF are you doing?”

“I’m going to pee, right here…” he slurred out the side of his mouth…

“NO YOU”RE NOT, our room is right here.” and i pointed to the door 5 steps from his unzipped pants.

He looked at me like he wanted to see how far I would let him get away with it and i suddenly didn’t care who he was or what he did and raised my voice that i havent done since my last argument with my husband and it was taken seriously enough for him to tuck his penis back where it belonged and slowly walked in the room and over to the toilet like a school boy who was scolded for not sharing the tether ball courts at recesses.

I couldn’t believe what i had almost seen. First, the way he ignored me most of the night with lee and Jen, kissing me maybe once the whole night and barely noticing my existence, then trying to pull a stunt like peeing in the fountain at ARIA and giving up to pee in the hallway instead was not on my list of qualities i looked for in a man and I’ll be damned if he thought i would get into trouble for his wrong doings….

I crawled into bed and was asked by Kasey to order room service and gave me permission to order anything of my liking , his choice the eggs Benedict and mine the french toast with berries and whip cream, were ordered over the phone to a lady who continued to call me Mrs. Thompson. This was the first time i took notice as to what Kasey’s last name was and instead of explaining told her “thank you” and hung up.

I once again asked Kasey for permission to steal something out of the mini bar and he answered “YES” “ANYTHING”

After I fed him his eggs Benedict, poured his three diet coke, buttered his cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and handed him his side of bacon (extra crispy) i laid down next to him and watched as he began to sleep off the nights excitement and weight. He looked to be thinking even in his sleep and i don’t know what it was that caused me to make such a dramatic step over the bed and tuck my head into his arms and over his chest, but i hadn’t slept like that in 3 months since my husband left out apartment and for the first time in  a long time I slept the whole night thru and slept well.

We arrive at XS

written July 5th 2010

As we walked up to the overly crowded line, I noticed as Kasey was shaking hands with familiar faces and excited prospects…..

He was so confident! Even though he was starting to look a little tired and drunk he never missed a beat. It was almost as if he was acting drunk to keep people on their toes. I knew better than to drink heavily that nice since i needed to be on my best behavior for Kasey and his business transactions and so I could trust myself to look out after myself.

Ill never understand girls who get sloppy at work and then have issues trusting. If you can’t trust yourself to stay sober in situation where you need to be on a look out, how can you trust anyone else? Kasey grabbed my hand and we were escorted ahead of the line and next thing i knew we were in front of what seemed like a sea of thousands of people dancing on the floor, reminding me of what I had been missing these last 6 years. See i was a dancing Queen… I mean i love to dance the way people like to breathe. I couldn’t wait to finally get a bottle so Kasey would join me on the dance floor, but that was not in the plans, i was soon to find out.

It was so crowded that it almost turned me off to dancing. It’s not fun when you can’t move and guys are getting cheap feels of you from every direction. Also not fun to turn your head for one second to find the party you were with missing. I mean i really wasnt gone that long.

I had to take a moment to breathe because i felt a wave of anxiety come over me while i watched everyone interact and be who they wished they actually were for the  night. It was really pathetic and places such as the one we were at, no matter how many people may be in attendance can suddenly overcome me with a sense of extreme Loneliness and suddenly i felt the urge to call my husband.

SIDE NOTE- My husband and I have been together for 6 yea, married for almost 3 and have been living separately for 4 months, but the relationship went sour last July after I caught him trying to cheat on me. I secretly hate the man but as I explain in my blog www.A8noezwaout.wordpress.com I have a severe fear of abandonment which fuels my love, sex and drug addiction. Do i miss my husband? NO, i miss the companionship and having someone to come home to. Am i sad we are divorcing? NO, I’m sad i wasn’t mature enough to pick someone more appreciative of the love i give and I’m disappointed I’m losing my marriage. Like a ladies Virginity, once you give it, its gone……..

I didnt want Kasey to see so i stepped away from our table for a moment. Husband – No answer, but i figured as much and it was nice to hear his voice thru the answering machine, even if he was a dick, i still missed his presence in my life.

Valet Guy answered and he was shocked to hear me speaking to him from a club.

“I thought you were coming to work tonight?”

“No, not tonight, i was paid to hang out with the group that came into work last night”

I could tell my Valet was a little shocked since I was mostly ” talk” when it came to following thru with ideas or thoughts i had regarding “work” on the outside. But there i was, calling him from a crowded club feeling nothing but loneliness when i should have been having the time of my life. I quickly went back to the table to find it empty and everyone gone. No biggie i thought and i decided to search the tables for a familiar face. Boy was I about to find out how big XS was when i reached the outside garden to find a massive pool with tables for black jack and poker surrounding the outside and waterfalls creating a tranquil scene.

And so the Search BEGAN…..

Two Hours later and 4 different phone numbers from other tables wanting to hang out with me, I was exhausted from circling the place and my eyes were sore from squinting. I still saw no sign of Kasey or his friends and I actually started questioning why i even agreed to the night. As soon as I was about to leave i received a text message on my phone, it stated “WHere are you?”

It was Kasey and several texts later i was back with my group drinking my first glass of Crystal champagne, and thinking quietly to myself

“This stuff tastes no different from the cheap stuff?”

Kasey seemed genuinely worried for me and had me sit down next to him to explain to me who everyone was in our party that I had not met previously…. millionaires everywhere was the short description and besides Paris Hilton‘s uncle (Who was being quite inappropriate by hitting on me in front of Kasey)

everyone was really nice to me and respectful. As a matter of fact i took a second to take it “All in” and thought about how lucky i was to have met these people and Kasey because I was a nobody. I also felt a little embarrassed I did not know who anyone was. I stopped watching TV when i turned 16 and for the most part only watched infomercials at night when i couldnt sleep. Kasey was getting a kick out of having to explain to me who certain people “were” and I was hoping no one was offended and felt special he actually thought it was important to introduce me to everyone. I’m not saying i don’t deserve to meet people, but people of high status don’t usually waste their time on meeting people who wont benefit them in some way in the future (At least that is a personal observation of mine) and unless they wanted a good lap dance in the VIP of the Rhino, I was of no use. So here i was drinking Crystal, enjoying good company, looking hott and all the while getting paid. I felt very fortunate and remember looking up at the sky to say “Thank you”

I tried to get Kasey’s attention to pull him onto the dance floor but he was busy interacting for his future. At this point I got sleepy and just as i was about to lay my head down, Kasey sits besides me and asks me how im enjoying the scene. He’s looking at me in my eyes and the sincerity in his voice is real. I ask him to dance but he politely turns me down and as i lay my head on his lap to rest my eyes he moves the hair from around my ears and asks me if Im not feeling well….. I found it cute that he thought i was drunk because I hadnt finished my glass of champagne sitting on the table in front of us and hadnt finished a drink all night . I told him I was tired and he asked me to please not sleep at the club because he was afraid someone might think he drugged me or that he was taking advantage of me.

I was soo tired and disappointed that i remember giving a little attitude back at him while i told him how i was tired and just wanted to rest my head.On the inside i was thinking “Who does this guy think he is…? As if the club is watching our every move…No one cares about us..” (I was soon to find out i was wrong)

“If you want to leave, we can leave now?”

“No Kasey, I’m not going to tell you to leave if you need to be with these people and finish your business. Im just tired and if you’re not going to dance with me, then i don’t want to dance”

“I’m sorry im not dancing but if I do, you will understand why I’m not”

“Why not?, i saw you in the VIP the other night and you looked so sexy and at peace…. like you were enjoying life and not worrying about what transaction you needed to make or person you needed to attend to, you were just doing it for you.”

It was with that comment that he turned and looked at me with big eyes and I took notice at how blue they were, why i hadn’t noticed before, i don’t know, but they seemed to look into my soul and he smiled a half-smile and said
“let’s go”.

We left the club and as I was about to go my own way, I noticed how drunk he had gotten all the sudden as he walked diagonally down the carpet. “Kasey are you Okay?”

“I’m FiyNe “, He managed to mumble to me with one hand holding a drink and the other, his black berry and cigarette. I felt the need to make sure he got somewhere safe and asked him if he was planning on taking a cab back to the Hard Rock where my vehicle was parked valet. He said No and told me WE were staying at the Wynn for the night and he would get his driver to pick us up in the morning to head back to the Hard Rock for a meeting or conference he had scheduled.

Why did i say Yes? Why did I not contest or ask for my own room? Why did i suddenly have the urge to nurture this man?

I couldn’t believe as we were riding the elevator upward to our room that he forked out 300 dollars for  only a couple of hours since it was 5am and check out was 11am? What kind of money did this guy have? The room was gorgeous and the view was sensational. The Rivera offered a free fridge, which always excited me when booking reservations for a 40 dollar room and this guy walks up as I’m enjoying the sunrise and says he’s disappointed the rooms arent bigger and would have booked the tower suites if they were available?I open the mini bar to see my favorite drinks, COKE and ORANGE JUICE, and quickly ask him if its Okay to have one?

“Are you serious Babe?” “Are you really asking me if its Okay to have an Orange Juice?”

“Yes?…. Whats wrong, What did I do?

I really didn’t want to take advantage and didn’t know how much they charged for an Orange Juice but didn’t want to upset him when he found out it was over priced, because from my experience, they always are.

“You can have anything out of that fridge you want” he said

I felt privileged but slightly aprehensive and thanked him for the orange juice as he threw off his clothes and laid in bed. I will admit I felt a little weird getting into the same bed but was exhausted and he had made me feel so comfortable, i didn’t think I would have to worry….I also felt so guilty since i hadn’t really slept with anyone else besides my husband and the Valet guy.

I crawled in and instantly he rolled over and held me….. I thought i would feel weird or intruded on, but it was the strangest feeling of familiarity and comfort, like we had slept together before? I fell asleep feeling safe and enjoying the moment.

Did we have SEX?

I think its more interesting to think about how incredibly sexy it was waking up to him “playing” with me and feeling my own wetness as he slid it in.

Maybe this was not interesting to you but to me, it meant everything. I had been fucking the Valet for over two months, and couldn’t produce any wetness. I’m ashamed to be admitting it but its true. The whole reason why i even continued to sleep with him was to have someone in my life and because he was hotter than hell. I mean this Valet guy caught my attention from day one and should have been modeling for a Calvin Klein underwear add somewhere but in the bedroom I just couldn’t produce.

Here’s Kasey…. half way awake, still Half drunk, Hair sticking straight up and Tommy Bahama shirt laying next to us, and I was Hornier than ever???

He had his “driver” pick us up and take us to his hotel to change before we arrived at the Hard Rock. I was shocked to learn he didn’t know how to Iron and asked me if I would do the honors. As i begin to iron a more suitable sexy black shirt i began to get nervous at my abilities…

Why am I nervous? Why do i suddenly feel insignificant and unworthy? Why am i worried about making sure this is the best iron job he’s ever had?”

We talked while i ironed and I enjoyed our conversations. Kasey was smart, something else i wasnt use to in men and I liked that he understood and even went along elaborating on some of my questions and humored me with my thoughts and ideas. I had never had that in my relationship with my husband since any idea that was different from my husbands was considered to be “an argument” and i gave up on wanting to “shoot the shit” with him by conversation.

The shirt was done and just in time for me to see Kasey walk out of the bathroom wearing nice fitted black slacks, nice belt, loafers complimented by bare feet and No shirt showing off his tanned body. My GOD! why hadn’t I taken notice this morning at how sexy he actually was. Most likely because I was not a morning person and too worried about the way I looked to care. But there he was… You would never have guessed he had a body underneath his Bahama shirt and horrible posture.

“Jesus, Kasey… you have a good body that i would have never of noticed”

“I know, it’s not that bad, i just have horrible posture”

“Seriously you should work on it, you would have double the women to “shoo off” if they could tell you had a nice stomach and great tan.”

He chuckled and said

“I don’t have problems getting women, I have problems with my posture”

He thanked me for ironing his shirt and as we walked out of the hotel, i suddenly wanted more of him. He looked 10 years younger and his confidence again drew me in like bait on a hook. I didn’t want to show my infatuation and wasnt sure why i liked this guy but was suddenly intrigued about his lifestyle and wanted to know more about this man who seemed to be a legend in his own mind. I felt like he acted as if the world was on his shoulders and needed to always be figuring something out to save the world. To be Honest, I couldnt remember what he did for a living and only remember him telling me he created a program on the computer that allowed him to start his career at an early age. I also knew he was in the works of buying a VERY LARGE brand/company (will keep secret until publicly announced) and introducing new concepts. All I knew is that whatever it was he did, required a ton of blackberry to ear time and taxi thumbs to text message.  I mean he was my age practically and was walking with a bag full of clothes that probably cost more than my Toyota Yaris. He had young guys on a Pay Roll, just to pick him up, and anywhere we went, his name seemed to get him what he needed, but i still had no clue who “he was”…… Half of me hated him just for being able to use his name for personal gain when the rest of society would have been told “no” or “please wait”. I mean seriously did this guy ever take care of himself? It was a turn off to think he probably didn’t know how to drive because he didn’t have to (Found out it was because the one time he did drive, he was pulled over and charged). But the other half wanted more… wanted to understand his life and his ways. The other half wanted to pick his brain and understand where the difference lied in us…

1OO0.00 dollars cash was given to me before he walked off. I almost didn’t want to accept it. I wanted him to understand that something about last night was intoxicating and i didn’t know how to get him to take notice in me, when I’m sure he figured I was with him for status or money…. Or did he?

I took the money and thanked him for a great night.