written July 5th 2010
As we walked up to the overly crowded line, I noticed as Kasey was shaking hands with familiar faces and excited prospects…..
He was so confident! Even though he was starting to look a little tired and drunk he never missed a beat. It was almost as if he was acting drunk to keep people on their toes. I knew better than to drink heavily that nice since i needed to be on my best behavior for Kasey and his business transactions and so I could trust myself to look out after myself.
Ill never understand girls who get sloppy at work and then have issues trusting. If you can’t trust yourself to stay sober in situation where you need to be on a look out, how can you trust anyone else? Kasey grabbed my hand and we were escorted ahead of the line and next thing i knew we were in front of what seemed like a sea of thousands of people dancing on the floor, reminding me of what I had been missing these last 6 years. See i was a dancing Queen… I mean i love to dance the way people like to breathe. I couldn’t wait to finally get a bottle so Kasey would join me on the dance floor, but that was not in the plans, i was soon to find out.
It was so crowded that it almost turned me off to dancing. It’s not fun when you can’t move and guys are getting cheap feels of you from every direction. Also not fun to turn your head for one second to find the party you were with missing. I mean i really wasnt gone that long.
I had to take a moment to breathe because i felt a wave of anxiety come over me while i watched everyone interact and be who they wished they actually were for the night. It was really pathetic and places such as the one we were at, no matter how many people may be in attendance can suddenly overcome me with a sense of extreme Loneliness and suddenly i felt the urge to call my husband.
SIDE NOTE- My husband and I have been together for 6 yea, married for almost 3 and have been living separately for 4 months, but the relationship went sour last July after I caught him trying to cheat on me. I secretly hate the man but as I explain in my blog www.A8noezwaout.wordpress.com I have a severe fear of abandonment which fuels my love, sex and drug addiction. Do i miss my husband? NO, i miss the companionship and having someone to come home to. Am i sad we are divorcing? NO, I’m sad i wasn’t mature enough to pick someone more appreciative of the love i give and I’m disappointed I’m losing my marriage. Like a ladies Virginity, once you give it, its gone……..
I didnt want Kasey to see so i stepped away from our table for a moment. Husband – No answer, but i figured as much and it was nice to hear his voice thru the answering machine, even if he was a dick, i still missed his presence in my life.
Valet Guy answered and he was shocked to hear me speaking to him from a club.
“I thought you were coming to work tonight?”
“No, not tonight, i was paid to hang out with the group that came into work last night”
I could tell my Valet was a little shocked since I was mostly ” talk” when it came to following thru with ideas or thoughts i had regarding “work” on the outside. But there i was, calling him from a crowded club feeling nothing but loneliness when i should have been having the time of my life. I quickly went back to the table to find it empty and everyone gone. No biggie i thought and i decided to search the tables for a familiar face. Boy was I about to find out how big XS was when i reached the outside garden to find a massive pool with tables for black jack and poker surrounding the outside and waterfalls creating a tranquil scene.
And so the Search BEGAN…..
Two Hours later and 4 different phone numbers from other tables wanting to hang out with me, I was exhausted from circling the place and my eyes were sore from squinting. I still saw no sign of Kasey or his friends and I actually started questioning why i even agreed to the night. As soon as I was about to leave i received a text message on my phone, it stated “WHere are you?”
It was Kasey and several texts later i was back with my group drinking my first glass of Crystal champagne, and thinking quietly to myself
“This stuff tastes no different from the cheap stuff?”
Kasey seemed genuinely worried for me and had me sit down next to him to explain to me who everyone was in our party that I had not met previously…. millionaires everywhere was the short description and besides Paris Hilton‘s uncle (Who was being quite inappropriate by hitting on me in front of Kasey)
everyone was really nice to me and respectful. As a matter of fact i took a second to take it “All in” and thought about how lucky i was to have met these people and Kasey because I was a nobody. I also felt a little embarrassed I did not know who anyone was. I stopped watching TV when i turned 16 and for the most part only watched infomercials at night when i couldnt sleep. Kasey was getting a kick out of having to explain to me who certain people “were” and I was hoping no one was offended and felt special he actually thought it was important to introduce me to everyone. I’m not saying i don’t deserve to meet people, but people of high status don’t usually waste their time on meeting people who wont benefit them in some way in the future (At least that is a personal observation of mine) and unless they wanted a good lap dance in the VIP of the Rhino, I was of no use. So here i was drinking Crystal, enjoying good company, looking hott and all the while getting paid. I felt very fortunate and remember looking up at the sky to say “Thank you”
I tried to get Kasey’s attention to pull him onto the dance floor but he was busy interacting for his future. At this point I got sleepy and just as i was about to lay my head down, Kasey sits besides me and asks me how im enjoying the scene. He’s looking at me in my eyes and the sincerity in his voice is real. I ask him to dance but he politely turns me down and as i lay my head on his lap to rest my eyes he moves the hair from around my ears and asks me if Im not feeling well….. I found it cute that he thought i was drunk because I hadnt finished my glass of champagne sitting on the table in front of us and hadnt finished a drink all night . I told him I was tired and he asked me to please not sleep at the club because he was afraid someone might think he drugged me or that he was taking advantage of me.
I was soo tired and disappointed that i remember giving a little attitude back at him while i told him how i was tired and just wanted to rest my head.On the inside i was thinking “Who does this guy think he is…? As if the club is watching our every move…No one cares about us..” (I was soon to find out i was wrong)
“If you want to leave, we can leave now?”
“No Kasey, I’m not going to tell you to leave if you need to be with these people and finish your business. Im just tired and if you’re not going to dance with me, then i don’t want to dance”
“I’m sorry im not dancing but if I do, you will understand why I’m not”
“Why not?, i saw you in the VIP the other night and you looked so sexy and at peace…. like you were enjoying life and not worrying about what transaction you needed to make or person you needed to attend to, you were just doing it for you.”
It was with that comment that he turned and looked at me with big eyes and I took notice at how blue they were, why i hadn’t noticed before, i don’t know, but they seemed to look into my soul and he smiled a half-smile and said
“let’s go”.
We left the club and as I was about to go my own way, I noticed how drunk he had gotten all the sudden as he walked diagonally down the carpet. “Kasey are you Okay?”
“I’m FiyNe “, He managed to mumble to me with one hand holding a drink and the other, his black berry and cigarette. I felt the need to make sure he got somewhere safe and asked him if he was planning on taking a cab back to the Hard Rock where my vehicle was parked valet. He said No and told me WE were staying at the Wynn for the night and he would get his driver to pick us up in the morning to head back to the Hard Rock for a meeting or conference he had scheduled.
Why did i say Yes? Why did I not contest or ask for my own room? Why did i suddenly have the urge to nurture this man?
I couldn’t believe as we were riding the elevator upward to our room that he forked out 300 dollars for only a couple of hours since it was 5am and check out was 11am? What kind of money did this guy have? The room was gorgeous and the view was sensational. The Rivera offered a free fridge, which always excited me when booking reservations for a 40 dollar room and this guy walks up as I’m enjoying the sunrise and says he’s disappointed the rooms arent bigger and would have booked the tower suites if they were available?I open the mini bar to see my favorite drinks, COKE and ORANGE JUICE, and quickly ask him if its Okay to have one?
“Are you serious Babe?” “Are you really asking me if its Okay to have an Orange Juice?”
“Yes?…. Whats wrong, What did I do?
I really didn’t want to take advantage and didn’t know how much they charged for an Orange Juice but didn’t want to upset him when he found out it was over priced, because from my experience, they always are.
“You can have anything out of that fridge you want” he said
I felt privileged but slightly aprehensive and thanked him for the orange juice as he threw off his clothes and laid in bed. I will admit I felt a little weird getting into the same bed but was exhausted and he had made me feel so comfortable, i didn’t think I would have to worry….I also felt so guilty since i hadn’t really slept with anyone else besides my husband and the Valet guy.
I crawled in and instantly he rolled over and held me….. I thought i would feel weird or intruded on, but it was the strangest feeling of familiarity and comfort, like we had slept together before? I fell asleep feeling safe and enjoying the moment.
Did we have SEX?
I think its more interesting to think about how incredibly sexy it was waking up to him “playing” with me and feeling my own wetness as he slid it in.
Maybe this was not interesting to you but to me, it meant everything. I had been fucking the Valet for over two months, and couldn’t produce any wetness. I’m ashamed to be admitting it but its true. The whole reason why i even continued to sleep with him was to have someone in my life and because he was hotter than hell. I mean this Valet guy caught my attention from day one and should have been modeling for a Calvin Klein underwear add somewhere but in the bedroom I just couldn’t produce.
Here’s Kasey…. half way awake, still Half drunk, Hair sticking straight up and Tommy Bahama shirt laying next to us, and I was Hornier than ever???
He had his “driver” pick us up and take us to his hotel to change before we arrived at the Hard Rock. I was shocked to learn he didn’t know how to Iron and asked me if I would do the honors. As i begin to iron a more suitable sexy black shirt i began to get nervous at my abilities…
Why am I nervous? Why do i suddenly feel insignificant and unworthy? Why am i worried about making sure this is the best iron job he’s ever had?”
We talked while i ironed and I enjoyed our conversations. Kasey was smart, something else i wasnt use to in men and I liked that he understood and even went along elaborating on some of my questions and humored me with my thoughts and ideas. I had never had that in my relationship with my husband since any idea that was different from my husbands was considered to be “an argument” and i gave up on wanting to “shoot the shit” with him by conversation.
The shirt was done and just in time for me to see Kasey walk out of the bathroom wearing nice fitted black slacks, nice belt, loafers complimented by bare feet and No shirt showing off his tanned body. My GOD! why hadn’t I taken notice this morning at how sexy he actually was. Most likely because I was not a morning person and too worried about the way I looked to care. But there he was… You would never have guessed he had a body underneath his Bahama shirt and horrible posture.
“Jesus, Kasey… you have a good body that i would have never of noticed”
“I know, it’s not that bad, i just have horrible posture”
“Seriously you should work on it, you would have double the women to “shoo off” if they could tell you had a nice stomach and great tan.”
He chuckled and said
“I don’t have problems getting women, I have problems with my posture”
He thanked me for ironing his shirt and as we walked out of the hotel, i suddenly wanted more of him. He looked 10 years younger and his confidence again drew me in like bait on a hook. I didn’t want to show my infatuation and wasnt sure why i liked this guy but was suddenly intrigued about his lifestyle and wanted to know more about this man who seemed to be a legend in his own mind. I felt like he acted as if the world was on his shoulders and needed to always be figuring something out to save the world. To be Honest, I couldnt remember what he did for a living and only remember him telling me he created a program on the computer that allowed him to start his career at an early age. I also knew he was in the works of buying a VERY LARGE brand/company (will keep secret until publicly announced) and introducing new concepts. All I knew is that whatever it was he did, required a ton of blackberry to ear time and taxi thumbs to text message. I mean he was my age practically and was walking with a bag full of clothes that probably cost more than my Toyota Yaris. He had young guys on a Pay Roll, just to pick him up, and anywhere we went, his name seemed to get him what he needed, but i still had no clue who “he was”…… Half of me hated him just for being able to use his name for personal gain when the rest of society would have been told “no” or “please wait”. I mean seriously did this guy ever take care of himself? It was a turn off to think he probably didn’t know how to drive because he didn’t have to (Found out it was because the one time he did drive, he was pulled over and charged). But the other half wanted more… wanted to understand his life and his ways. The other half wanted to pick his brain and understand where the difference lied in us…
1OO0.00 dollars cash was given to me before he walked off. I almost didn’t want to accept it. I wanted him to understand that something about last night was intoxicating and i didn’t know how to get him to take notice in me, when I’m sure he figured I was with him for status or money…. Or did he?
I took the money and thanked him for a great night.
Sex, Drugs and Tommy Bahama 